Phi Phi Perma Party

Ko Phi Phi is many things. It is one of the most beautiful islands I have every seen. It is the birth place of Thai rock climbing. It has some of the best scuba in the world. It is also a non stop party. From the second we got off the boat to the last delirious moment on the island there was blasting pop and electronic music. That moment was delirious because of intense diarrhea induced dehydration and maybe that horrid music.
The boat pulled up the dock and let out a long lurching sigh of pink tourists wearing the same 5 or 10 tee shirts sold in Patong. We joined the throng and stepped into the blasting heat. We where confronted by the normal masses of Thais claiming that they have the cheapest rooms in Phi Phi. The room that we stayed in was the cheapest room in Phi Phi with no reported bed bugs. What it did have was a flooded bathroom with no lights, a hole in the floor with a strategically placed lamp, and the weirdest beds I have ever seen, they were u shaped and surprisingly comfortable.
The rock climbing was a lot of fun. It was not as overhanging as the stuff around Ton Sai and the rock quality was a little better. But it also seemed to inspire ridiculous stories. In an attempted to do a highly recommend multi-pitch Zach did a wandering new variation on the route that involved a big runout, some chaus and like all good sketchy situations a repel off of a Charlie Brown tree. He named the variation Poorly Drawn Map. The monkeys in Phi Phi were aggressive little bastards. They will steal anything left at the base of a climb, so being responsible individuals we put all of our loose things in my bag and tied it to a tree. Zach was working his way up the second pitch of the route (which had rusty bolts) monkeys started to attack my bag. While Zach rests on a bolt I am whipping the monkeys with the tail end of the rope.
That's all for now folks I am sitting in a coffee shop with very loud distracting music which may be fitting for writing about Phi Phi but it is also difficult.

Hey Mister Meeeeeeesage Long Time, Patong is not for Faint of Heart

There are two things that you should know about Patong Beach, Phuket. One it is probably the sleaziest place that I have ever been to and probably in the top ten on Earth. Two if you can look past the smell, constant harassment by hookers, and unbridled tourist fed consumerism it is a lot of fun. When we finally arrived in Patong it was late, Zach wasn't feeling well and the was somebody trying to con us into some hotel that seemed cheap on the surface but with about $60 a night in extra fees. We skipped out of dodge found a nice, relatively quiet, clean and cheap room and set out for some much needed food. As we start the epic two hour long wait for our food Zach gets sick and retreats to the room to Double Barrel all of the food and fluids out of his body. I waited, ate dinner, check on, Zach and set out to meet Elliot and Flora. It was a nice quite night of a few beers and of course fending off hookers. The next night was not quite by any stretch of the imagination with Zach feeling better the four of us set out to see the town. Our first stop was Simon Cabaret. Simon Cabaret combines drag queens, bad dancing, lip syncing, truly outrageous costumes, a drag queen clown with perhaps the largest set of breast a man has ever had, and of course our favorite K Pop songs (K Pop is a music form that is best seen so just You Tube it). It had us all clutching our sides in laughter. Oh I forgot to mention that for some reason they let you bring in outside drinks in... we each finished about 2 and a half liters of deliciously cheap Chang beer. By the end of the show we had the whole upper tier dancing and singing along. Which is impressive because we didn't actually know any of the words but other people sure did. Afterwards we had a photo shoot with the drag queens. A series of miscommunications about who was going to pay whom we ran away to the safety of our van. Our van driver had about as much interest in being set upon by a bunch of angry drag queens as we did and drove away with a speed that only a Thai can achieve while dodging pedestrians. In our defense they told us that the photos were free then changed their minds after they had been taken. After that the night contained us hustling some Assuies in a game of pool, drinking games with some strippers who just got off work, listening to a Thai AC/DC cover band (that maybe the funniest thing in the world) and of course running away from hookers.

A few more notes and sights on Patong: We walked into an harmless looking bar where on a stage there was a lady popping balloons with a blow gun. The blow gun was not in her mouth. Zach and I were walking down the street in the middle of the day and a group of "masseuses" came up and tried to drag us into the shop we literally had to fight them off, judging by their strength I think at least a few where Lady Boys (that's what they call them here). Apparently the world over convenient stores and cheap suit shops are run by Indians and last but not least in three weeks we in Thai land we have only seen 4 police and all in Patong. Since then three more weeks have past and the number is up to 13.

Phuk-it its Phuket

So once again we wade out into the low tide with our bags over our heads get in a long tail boat and putter out to the ferry. The ferry is another lesson in relax, don't worry, your somewhere awesome. Things take forever here in Thailand and so far nothing has been even close to on time or anywhere near the about of time it folks will estimate that it takes. This could be frustrating but why let it be? So we spent 4 hours on a boat when it should have been 2. We got to see the sunset over the ocean surrounded by aw-inspiring limestone karsts while drinking Chang, Thailand "world famous(??)" and quite refreshing beer. We pull into Phuket City habor are herding into minivans that then hurl themselves to the madness that is Thai traffic. On that and many other bus trips to come I have seen some truly hilarious, terrifying, scandalizing, and just plain dangerous vehicular maneuvers. I think that my favorite rush hour stunt so far was when we were cut off by two separate mopeds coming in from two different sides then vie for dominance before coming to a screeching halt at a stop light. The acrobatics themselves were impressive for sure but what makes this instance stand out above the rest is that one moped had a family of four on it and the other had a side/front car attachment and was stacked with a pile or recycling that only Dr. Seuss could have dreamed of.

Farewell my Lovely

 Ton Sai was are little climbers paradise. The climbing was hard at first. It was real steep, often over-hung (more than vertical), with huge very polished holds. It is interesting when you move to a different type of climbing how you think about climbing changes a little. On this stuff you know where the next move is -most of the time- and you just have to make it. Sometimes it will play tricks on you. What seems a big old fat hold is really just some smooth as glass sloping rock. All the chalk on it a testament to previous climbers mistakes. Its been fun climbing in Ton Sai similar to the Red River Gorge but different too. To use the Thai phrase its same same but different.
In other news we came across a truly hilarious shrine. The story goes that a princess from one of the islands was coming over to marry a king on the main land. En route their ship sank just off the coast of Raileh and she died. Later she became viewed as a fertility god by the local fishers. Fisherman continue the long tradition of placing huge wooden penises in the Goddess' cave to please her, calm the storms and bring them many children. This practice transcends religion both Muslims and Buddhist alike both pray and bring offerings to this shrine. I have certainly never seen anything like it and don't think that I ever will again. The cave is located on Phra Nang Beach which is truly one of the most spectacular beaches I have every seen. It was particularly awesome at 6 30 in the morning before all the fucking Russian showed up.
The Limestone really does do spectacular things, forming caves and stalactites hanging at impossible angles with lush ever green forest on the tops. There is so much climbing here that has never been done we are just going to have to come back in a couple of years with some aid gear and put up some first assents.

Well now we are off to Phuket to have some R&R with Elliot (a family friend living in China) his wife Flora and unknown to us half of Russia.

Whats Up Tiger Lily

As we start to get settled in here in Ton Sai we have noticed a few recurring themes. Theme one is monkeys and cats, they are fucking everywhere and they do hilarious things. Yesterday there was a little kitten stalking a monkey, the kitten made a noise and the monkey turned around and threw a piece of fruit at it and ran away. Another theme is every one is really relaxed. Things get done slowly the people here are friendly and laid back and it is contagious. The last and so far only negative part of our trip is the trash. It is as ubiquitous as the monkeys and cats but not nearly as adorable. The area that we are staying in gets much of its charm and laid back life style from the fact that it is hard to get here and it is really hot. This also means that it is hard to get rid of trash and the huge poorly hidden piles of sometimes burning trash really stinks. The locals certainly realize the problem but don't have the resource to do much about it. Its hard to tell how much the average tourist things about it but the bars and restaurants have started putting up info about it. Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be much Zach and I can do about it other than throw away as little as possible and pick up the trash that we see. Well on a lighter note today was our first day off climbing. We spent the day reading, getting massages, and playing chess. Well the sun is about to set and I am going to go out on the porch with a cold drink and watch it go down over the huge limestone cliffs.

First Days in Paradise

Well after we settled in on our first day we enjoyed a delicious chia tea over a game of chess. After that we wandered around Ton Sai in a jet lagged state of delirium and promptly fell asleep at about 5 in the afternoon. Don't worry our trip gets way more exciting soon. One of the benefits of waking up insanely early is that we get out rock climbing before it gets hot and crowded. For the past three mornings our schedule has been wake up and decide where we are going to climb. Eat a small early breakfast and get out to the crag as the sun is coming up. We then climb until about 11 O'clock, chill on the beach have another breakfast/lunch a beer and a nap while we relax in the shade and wait out the heat of the day. Then around four we may go back out or not and be in bed by nine. Although I am sure there is wonderful night life here we are enjoying things the way they are and fully realize that our ability to wake up before 5 in the morning is a gift that wont last long and we should use it while we can.

In the begining there was a train ride

After a few weeks of somewhat careful planning Zach and I set out for Thailand on January 12. The trip there was Hell on wheels, wings and water. It was an hour and a half on a train, followed by sixteen hours on a plane, two hours in Shanghai, four hours on another plane to Bangkok, five and a half hours in Bangkok, an hour and a half plane to Krabi, a half hour bus to AO Nang, and finally a thirty minute boat ride to Ton Sai a wonderful secluded rock climbing paradise. Ton Sai/Railay is a series of four beaches blocked off from one another by jungle and cliffs and blocked off from the rest of the mainland by lots of jungle and cliffs. The rock formations are truly amazing, I cannot describe them in words and wont have to when I figure out how to post pictures.